The irony of this web blog is that I am actually a very private person. I don’t really like just anyone knowing my affairs, so it may seem strange that I’m writing down my thoughts here. I think it’s for that very reason and a few others.
I am at the place in my life where I am finding my voice (only taken 30 something years!). I have found that since getting married and having a family, there is less time to think very deep thoughts, and even less time to speak to anyone about them! But I miss my thoughts. That may seem weird but maybe not. So here are some of them, if only to remind myself that I have them! You see, I have a husband who I love very much, and he has a very colourful thought life that I hear about sometimes quite insistently and abundantly. He has strong opinions, and shares them with me often. I am a fairly quiet person, most of the time preferring to listen rather than talk, mulling things over internally. But because of this, I have found that I am loosing the sense of who I am. Though I love being here for him, and hearing what he has to say, I am finding it harder to actually know what I think, and I don’t like the feeling that I’m fading away. I also realise that sometimes when I keep my opinions to myself, other people can mistake my silence for agreement or apathy when this isn’t the case. More than that, to be silent is sometimes a virtue, so that we don’t sin with our words, but sometimes it’s a cop-out, a reluctance to engage and get messy or confrontational. Sometimes it’s a desire to keep the peace and remain liked, which at the deepest level is idolatry. As with all things, it is the heart that matters here, and I know I need Gods wisdom to work out when to speak and when to remain silent.
God has given me a place on this earth, for this time. He has given me a heart to help others on their own journey and walks of faith, so I hope that in finding my own voice and recognising that it is a gift from God, I may encourage others along the way. I also hope that in sharing here, it will give me more boldness and confidence in the person God has made me to be.